Ok ugh so a day full of revulations and what have ya.

In the NOP sexualy asbused class today we watch a movie well ok I did all I possibly could to block it out as more revulations were coming back to me. I feel like I'm a lil kid again in there trapped in a grown ups body. My theripist had told me I outa find ppl to talk to and I tried with a person who told me the worst thing I've read thus far you are to ever tell someone with Post Tramatic Stress Syndrom, which I've been diagonsed as havin, is to suck it up. With the problems that indures in it it can cause them more issuse wither in play or serious. Today it hit me that everything is kept secret in my family it is only mentioned one time and afterwards its kept silent. Like when other family members where sexually assulted when they were kids it is kept silent after being told. Mine was probably mentioned one time after it first happened and then kept silent all these years. I realized from the movie today that how I acted as a kid were clear signs of my reaction to being molested when I was 5. Its how I delt with it or tried to. My moms reaction as she knew no better was to move away from the problem intailly and then since she had no one to talk to or gone to therepy for what happened to me nor allowed me to she began to get angry just looking at me basicly and so started all these years of emontional abusie the theripist calls it. Thus is the cause of my PTSD for lack of a good childhood. So I will end here for now I've had this weird headache all day were at times it felt like something trying to shake out of the top of my head. When it does that I've felt dizzy too, so ya the weirdest headache I've ever had.