Ugh the physical pain and mental anguish a person goes through without thier Twin Flame

I'm feeling a change in the air don't know if its a good one or bad. My pain ansd such sorrow from being apart from my beloved Twin Flame is so much sometimes makes me want to run and scream or cry with my hands thrown up in utter defeat. We don't choose our destany or fate but are merely apart of the whole life circle. Oh my dear how I wish you were here to hold me and carry me to the place we have seen in meditations only. For all pain would dispate you remember as I different pains from past lives dispating after our "Ultimate Reunion".For 5 years now we have been back in comunnicate outside the land of dreams. We have visited via the land of dreams since we were very young children. Off to bed I must go my heart yearning to be with you as we are and always shall be one mind, one body, and one soul as it always has been so shall it always be forever in eternatity.

Oh the nightly chats how so I miss them already

Having withdrawls from my nightly chats with Hoven he's been working hard and sleeping so early. I think he finally found a job and now the saving to come here can start again. Yet he did say he won't tell me when he comes so to try to surprise me lol. Yet he forgets I can sense him no matter the distance nor the disgise he might try to take. I know him as he does me beyond what most can begin to comprend.No matter if you give me a pic of him as a young boy in a crowd of ppl I can tell you which one is him. I know him more than any other being and I wouldn't have it any other way. For words are hardly needed when it is just known or understood past the subconsious level. So nice to have a like minded soul with me to lean on when I need the bit of boost to keep going who stands by me no matter my wacky decisions or ideas as I am for him. Never one to control and passive as I am the first I have found who has never tried to control me but shows me and speaks to me as an equal which hasn't been the case with most relationships I've had. Aye the beauty of being awaken though can be lovely and for some is hard to allow themselves to do. The wonder of Twin Flames and the things that come back to a person at the oddest times. Yet I was the one to first spot him and didn't say a word as I knew he must not be helped it'ld have to come back to him and then the priceless word " I remember you. I diffently remember you." how they stayed with me the past 5 years we've been in written and spoken contact but not had our "Ultimate Reunion" as of yet. Soon I feel it shall happen we both must hang on and be paitent for just a bit longer. Well to bed I must go as always he and I have been able to meet in the land of dreams since I was 5 or 6 years old a mere child so our bound is strong no matter what. Sweetest dreams to all.

Ok ugh so a day full of revulations and what have ya.

In the NOP sexualy asbused class today we watch a movie well ok I did all I possibly could to block it out as more revulations were coming back to me. I feel like I'm a lil kid again in there trapped in a grown ups body. My theripist had told me I outa find ppl to talk to and I tried with a person who told me the worst thing I've read thus far you are to ever tell someone with Post Tramatic Stress Syndrom, which I've been diagonsed as havin, is to suck it up. With the problems that indures in it it can cause them more issuse wither in play or serious. Today it hit me that everything is kept secret in my family it is only mentioned one time and afterwards its kept silent. Like when other family members where sexually assulted when they were kids it is kept silent after being told. Mine was probably mentioned one time after it first happened and then kept silent all these years. I realized from the movie today that how I acted as a kid were clear signs of my reaction to being molested when I was 5. Its how I delt with it or tried to. My moms reaction as she knew no better was to move away from the problem intailly and then since she had no one to talk to or gone to therepy for what happened to me nor allowed me to she began to get angry just looking at me basicly and so started all these years of emontional abusie the theripist calls it. Thus is the cause of my PTSD for lack of a good childhood. So I will end here for now I've had this weird headache all day were at times it felt like something trying to shake out of the top of my head. When it does that I've felt dizzy too, so ya the weirdest headache I've ever had.

Train - Hey, Soul Sister

This song just suits my mood this morning and yes music is very intangle part of my life its always been there when no one else was it has saved my life even over the years so music I shall put up to set as my mood of the day or night or what have ya or thats stuck in my head. I listen to loads so be prepaired,lol.

Wondering why must these things always have a title.

So early in the mornning here, but here I am my thumb killing me for some unknown reason and yet I want to go in and don't want to because it costs money as everything else does. Now to me I dispise money as I see its like a drug it makes ppl NEED it just like a drug makes it so the addict NEEDS it. Wars are fought over money just like they are over drugs and money breaks up homes just like drugs does. Families get torn apart over money as well as drugs tear up families. So many similarties makes me wonder if ppl have really put much thought into it it before. My view on it I know is an extreme measure perhaps, but that is me always thinking outside the box. Ugh, its going to be a long week at work looks like I'm working 6 days streight this week and have one day off then get my 3 days off for the lil trip we will be going on down I belive South of Salem. I need the break but after moving and well still in the process of moving as anymore on my days off I hop on the bus go to the old place grab all that I can possibly carry and hop back on the bus and walk up the some 50 stairs to set it all down at last. Not the easiest way to move, but not being able to have anyone really to help I gotta do it the only possible way I can. Something that has occured to me as with carrying so much ppl at first asked me and the lil one if we were running away. I guess in a way we are running away from some of the problems the other place and hopfully things will be better for us in the new place. I want to feel a lil happy but I'm scare dto as every time I try to be happy or excited about anything it all goes back down hill. I've come to realize these past few months that I basicly have lived in hell for the past 26-27 years basicly after we moved from MI to OR. If I didn't get it at home I got it in school and yet ppl question why I am how I am. If you'd ben through all I've gone through I'm sure you'd come out with some side effects or scars at the very least. I had better go try to get a lil more sleep and hope my daughters father gets to the camp to pick her up and drop her off here at hoome and that my mom gets here in time to watch her as well. He better do this one thing as he's let her down so much already. Ok off to sleep I shall try to go now.

This being an adventer

I am breaking free from Myspace and fb to start to write everything that comes to my mind. So many and yet more do not understand nor shall but write I must seeing I voice nothing that is something I've not learned top do. So I write and all must come out. Some may say this is hort but as time goes on yes it will be longer humm writtings I guess you might say. So for now I will begin to write here an adventure who knows were it will go from one suubgject to another that is the norm for me after all.