Ugh the physical pain and mental anguish a person goes through without thier Twin Flame

I'm feeling a change in the air don't know if its a good one or bad. My pain ansd such sorrow from being apart from my beloved Twin Flame is so much sometimes makes me want to run and scream or cry with my hands thrown up in utter defeat. We don't choose our destany or fate but are merely apart of the whole life circle. Oh my dear how I wish you were here to hold me and carry me to the place we have seen in meditations only. For all pain would dispate you remember as I different pains from past lives dispating after our "Ultimate Reunion".For 5 years now we have been back in comunnicate outside the land of dreams. We have visited via the land of dreams since we were very young children. Off to bed I must go my heart yearning to be with you as we are and always shall be one mind, one body, and one soul as it always has been so shall it always be forever in eternatity.

Oh the nightly chats how so I miss them already

Having withdrawls from my nightly chats with Hoven he's been working hard and sleeping so early. I think he finally found a job and now the saving to come here can start again. Yet he did say he won't tell me when he comes so to try to surprise me lol. Yet he forgets I can sense him no matter the distance nor the disgise he might try to take. I know him as he does me beyond what most can begin to comprend.No matter if you give me a pic of him as a young boy in a crowd of ppl I can tell you which one is him. I know him more than any other being and I wouldn't have it any other way. For words are hardly needed when it is just known or understood past the subconsious level. So nice to have a like minded soul with me to lean on when I need the bit of boost to keep going who stands by me no matter my wacky decisions or ideas as I am for him. Never one to control and passive as I am the first I have found who has never tried to control me but shows me and speaks to me as an equal which hasn't been the case with most relationships I've had. Aye the beauty of being awaken though can be lovely and for some is hard to allow themselves to do. The wonder of Twin Flames and the things that come back to a person at the oddest times. Yet I was the one to first spot him and didn't say a word as I knew he must not be helped it'ld have to come back to him and then the priceless word " I remember you. I diffently remember you." how they stayed with me the past 5 years we've been in written and spoken contact but not had our "Ultimate Reunion" as of yet. Soon I feel it shall happen we both must hang on and be paitent for just a bit longer. Well to bed I must go as always he and I have been able to meet in the land of dreams since I was 5 or 6 years old a mere child so our bound is strong no matter what. Sweetest dreams to all.

Ok ugh so a day full of revulations and what have ya.

In the NOP sexualy asbused class today we watch a movie well ok I did all I possibly could to block it out as more revulations were coming back to me. I feel like I'm a lil kid again in there trapped in a grown ups body. My theripist had told me I outa find ppl to talk to and I tried with a person who told me the worst thing I've read thus far you are to ever tell someone with Post Tramatic Stress Syndrom, which I've been diagonsed as havin, is to suck it up. With the problems that indures in it it can cause them more issuse wither in play or serious. Today it hit me that everything is kept secret in my family it is only mentioned one time and afterwards its kept silent. Like when other family members where sexually assulted when they were kids it is kept silent after being told. Mine was probably mentioned one time after it first happened and then kept silent all these years. I realized from the movie today that how I acted as a kid were clear signs of my reaction to being molested when I was 5. Its how I delt with it or tried to. My moms reaction as she knew no better was to move away from the problem intailly and then since she had no one to talk to or gone to therepy for what happened to me nor allowed me to she began to get angry just looking at me basicly and so started all these years of emontional abusie the theripist calls it. Thus is the cause of my PTSD for lack of a good childhood. So I will end here for now I've had this weird headache all day were at times it felt like something trying to shake out of the top of my head. When it does that I've felt dizzy too, so ya the weirdest headache I've ever had.